The rejection

A few days ago, I got an email saying that my application for a summer research scholarship was unsuccessful.

During the weeks of waiting for an email on the outcome of my application, I did tell myself (and everyone who asked if I would be staying in Brisbane over the summer holidays) that I may or may not get the scholarship. That there are many other applicants, some who may be more qualified than me. That for some reason, the Faculty and the professors assessing the applicants may not pick me. I told myself that I shouldn't be too hopeful. But still, in my heart, I continued to do so. I guess I just wanted the scholarship badly: if successful, I would get to work with some professors on a project topic I was really keen on and wanted to explore deeply in my further studies. I also felt that I did deserve the scholarship: I have good grades as well as some experience working with a researcher back in Singapore. Secretly, I expected to get the scholarship in the end.

So when I received my rejection email, you can imagine how disappointed I was.

I tried to shrug off the disappointment. I told myself it really didn't matter, that it meant that I could avoid the blistering Queensland summer, that I could return to Singapore and see my family, that I have so much to look forward to now that I get to spend summer in Singapore ... I even went out for dinner and had some comfort food, which sort of helped. But like before, I was trying to suppress my true feelings.That this rejection did hurt, that I was not merely disappointed but crushed.

My true feelings only burst forth that night when I spoke to my Mum on the phone about the rejection. As I talked, a tear trickled down, and then I started crying, ranting and swearing at the Faculty and the professors. Mum was somewhat surprised at what she probably thought was an over-reaction. She offered words of comfort and empathy, saying that this rejection does not reflect badly on me and that it was simply that there were other applicants who were better. I felt much better after my rant and a good talk with Mum.

Now, I've pretty much gotten over this. Sure, I still feel a little envious of whoever it was who got the scholarship. But in the end, it really doesn't matter that much. I feel a bit silly now for acting like it was the end of the world. Thinking about this more deeply, I think that the rejection was a sort of wake-up call. For some time, I have had this feeling that I'm becoming rather self-centred. As in, I have been too preoccupied with working towards my own personal goals and ambitions such as getting this summer scholarship, and as a result I think less about my family back home in Singapore. This rejection and the talk with my Mum made me realize that I may have eluded a personal goal I was striving for, but I still have a family to turn to when I'm down. A loving family that makes me feel better about myself, that does not have high expectations of me but trusts that I will perform my best in the endeavours I undertake, and is waiting to welcome me back home with open arms.

When I return to Singapore this summer, I want to go out and have a delicious meal with my family, like we would do every weekend. I would go shopping with my Mum and hang out with friends I haven't seen for ages. I will be there for my cousin's wedding. I will be able to come for the short visit to Hong Kong Dad's organizing at the end of the year, and while at Hong Kong we'd stuff ourselves with prawn won ton noodles and dim sum like we did on our last trip, plus I'd get to see my grandparents. And next year, for the first time since I started university in Australia, I will be present in Singapore for the Chinese New Year celebrations.

I'm really looking forward to coming home this summer now.

Mid-semester break

It's the end of the first week of the second half of the semester (and the first week of school after the mid-sem break), and I'm already longing for the holidays to start again soon. I had a good, productive mid-semester break. Productive not just in the sense that I got lots of school work done (well, I think I could have done a bit more but oh well), but I also got to do plenty of other things I've been wanting to do as well.

• I started on a new anime series - Puella Magi Madoka Magica. Awesome show, 2 more episodes to go (awww!). You know this anime's a hit when there are so many anime figurines of characters from the show flooding the market!
• I ate at some new places that have been on my to-eat-at list for some time, including this Nepalese restaurant in the Paddington suburb called Kathmandu Newa Chhe'n. Pretty good food, I must say, Nepalese food is similar to Indian food. Gotta go back to Paddington again to try some more of the eateries there that have received good reviews.
• I prepared and shared dinner with my neighbours. Three times. First time was penne pasta with pesto and garlic bread, next was spaghetti with garlic bread, third time we had a mix of Indonesian and Chinese food - Tahu Telor by my Indonesian neighbour (which I requested cos that's my fav Indonesian dish) and sweet and sour chicken (which I made, cos that one's a popular and well-known dish) and vegetables with oyster sauce (another dish I made). It was so much fun, sharing a meal together and talking over good food. We should definietly do this more often.
• Finally got to meet up with a good friend of mine, who was from the same primary school, secondary school and now university as me. We went to West End where we had Indonesian food for lunch, then we wandered around West End and then decided to have dinner at a Persian restaurant together as well!
• Highlight of the holidays - I finally went to Movieworld! With some of my neighbours and my neighbour's friends. Movieworld seems a bit small to me, but nevertheless, I had fun! I shopped, sat on the highly recommended Scooby Doo ride, watched a 4D movie, snapped lots of photos of the 4 o'clock costume parade and gaped in awe at car drivers performing jaw-dropping stunts. T'was an enjoyable da indeed!

Not bad, I must say, I got to do so many things in just one week of holiday (and it wasn't much of a holiday, I had some assignments to work on over that one week!). Now, if only the next holidays, the summer break, would roll around faster ...