Wake Me Up When It's All Over

I wonder if Avicii had me in mind when they wrote their hit song Wake Me Up (see lyrics here). It's not often that a song strikes a chord in me because it accurately  and poignantly reflects my current state of mind. Wake Me Up is one of those rare songs that I find myself being able to relate to almost every line.

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

When you've been job - hunting for a few months and haven't got an offer yet, you end up doing a lot of soul - searching. I discussed the cycle of ups and downs I underwent while job - hunting in my last post. Now I realize the reason why this job - hunt hasn't been easy for me is because I'm transitioning from the world of academia, which I've known most of my life as a student, to the 'real' working world. It's a big change, and I have to grow up and learn fast in order to get to where I want to be.

But where exactly do I want to be?

And, how do I get there?

 They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

I did have an idea what sort of jobs and what industries I'd like to work in before I graduated, and I did pick up skills and  work experiences that would be useful. Getting the jobs I'm interested in has not been easy though, mainly due to the competition from fellow job-seekers, my status as a fresh graduate and the fact that year - end period tends to be a lull on the recruitment front.

I have little choice but to re-evaluate my expectations and aspirations. This involves tackling fundamental questions like who I am and what do I want in life, and I'm still struggling to find concrete answers to these big questions.

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself, and I
Didn't know I was lost


It just struck me that perhaps the only way to find the answers to these questions is to not ponder about it too much now but keep moving forward in life and discover them slowly along the way. No one grows up in an instant after all; maturity and wisdom are works in progress.

And I, am a work in progress too, albeit at a somewhat confused stage at this moment.

I can only keep my head up and continue to have faith in myself. Search for possibilities and opportunities, pursue them and learn along the way. Not give up on my dreams so fast but continue to let them inspire me. I'd like to think that I'll get there someday, and the future me who made it will look back across those years of hard work at the present me, shake her head and say with a smile "Don't you worry so much, everything will be all right in the end."

Forward, that's the only way to go.

 

 

Some Nights, and Others

Well, some nights I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change.
And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights I always win, I always win...

 

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights I don't know...

 

(Some Nights, by Fun)

I've been quite introspective and broody of late, largely thanks to my job-hunting endeavour.

 

What I really want from a job is to be able to draw upon my strengths and passion for it so that I can make meaningful contributions. Ideally, it would be in International Relations as this is a field that I really enjoy studying, and would like some real working experience in. I realize of course that if I limited myself solely to just International Relations jobs, my choices would be pretty limited. Therefore, I'm keeping an open mind about other kinds of work that at least fulfil the above-mentioned three criteria, especially media communications, policy-making and research related work. So far so good, I can at least articulate what kind of job I'm looking for.

 

The hard part that I've yet to overcome is getting that kind of job I want. I've sent a number of applications so far: many have not succeeded, a number are still in process, and even fewer have resulted in interviews (which ended with me not making the cut). I know this is perfectly normal and that fresh graduates normally take several months to land their first jobs. I also know that I am a generally all-rounded individual with good academic qualifications from a good university plus some work experiences that has armed me with useful and transferable working skills. Furthermore, I know that I'm not currently in dire financial straights and need a job immediately, so I can afford to be patient with the job search.

 

Yet I can't shake off the feeling that this is taking a bit too long. What frustrates me in particular is that I haven't been called up to many interviews, which means that most of my applications reached a dead end at the resume submission stage. I had at least expected to be able to proceed to the interviews given that my CV highlights some pretty impressive achievements relevant to what I apply for and that I make good effort to write well-thought cover letters. So where are the interviews and job offers?!

 

Being in a situation like this is a big test of my faith in myself. Some nights, I feel absolutely pathetic and wonder if I am just not as good as other people after all. Other nights, I scold myself for having such a defeatist attitude, and focus instead on the aspects of the job search I have control over e.g. my strategies, expectations and the way I market myself. I swing between these two extremes quite a lot these days. If not for the support of my family and friends, as well as the fact that I am currently preoccupied with this short contract job that an organization I once did a stint with was kind enough to offer, I think I would've just snapped and lost my mind.

 

I go back to square one a lot. I ask myself again the question of what I want out of a job, this time by casting it in terms of long-term goals. What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Ultimately, I still seek beyond. I still can't quite articulate clearly what it means to go beyond so for now I'll just vaguely define it as a vision of going beyond my comfort zone and exploring the world around me. Despite this rough definition, it is still something I can work towards, even if it means taking a longer career path.

 

My career path towards that vision of beyond will have to start somewhere though. It helps to have some criteria that influence the jobs I seek: play to my strengths, have a passion for and make valuable contributions. I continue with the job search with these in mind, send my applications, wait for replies, agonize, do some soul-searching and pick myself up in order to move forward.

 

The cycle then starts all over again.

 

 

 

 

 

The Long Goodbye (2)

Someday, I'm sure you will realize the potential within you. You'll find the path that you're meant to take, go down far, and accomplish so much.

I believe in you. I want to see you become the best you can ever be. I sincerely hope you will find the happiness and satisfaction that has eluded you for some time already.

That is why, it is better if we just let each other go.

Oh, it hurts so. My heart aches with a longing that is not possible to realize and the tears keep flowing. You embraced me, held me and comforted me but I wished for more.

Yet I stand by the decision.

I want you to the great man I know you'll be, the great man I see inside. I cannot allow myself to be the one who holds you back.

So, go, run down your chosen path. Run, achieve, and don't let me get in the way. Run and soar!

Don't you worry about me. I have my own path to seek, my own dreams to chase, my own potential to realize. Beyond beckons and I don't think I can take you with me either.

We know it is the right thing to do. It's especially hard for me, but I do understand that it is better for both of us this way.

We will be strong and work hard and attain our dreams. We will keep in touch on how we're doing along the way. Perhaps, our paths will converge some day.

This must be what it means to love, if you're willing to let someone go because you care more about their own happiness than yours.

The Long Goodbye (1)

"All over again I understood how important, how irreplaceable, Sumire was to me. In her own special way she'd kept me tethered to the world. As I talked to her and read her stories, my mind quietly expanded, and I could see things I'd never seen before. Without even trying, we grew close. Like a pair of young lovers undressing in front of each other, Sumire and I had exposed our hearts to one another, an experience I'd never have with anyone else, anywhere. We cherished what we had together, though we never put into words how very precious it was."

From Sputnik Sweetheart, by Haruki Murakami



You're leaving soon. I knew you eventually would (after all, you've been planning it for months already), but I've gotten used to your being here for so long that now that you're about to go, it just seems so abrupt. It makes me sad to know that you're really leaving. It makes me even sadder to know that the next time we meet might be a long time away. So, before our lives go separate ways, I've sought you out one more time to say a long goodbye.

You and I are about to start new chapters in our lives: you're off to university and I'm off to find work. I understand the uncertainty and anxiousness you no doubt feel, because I've been in that situation before, and I'm in it again (albeit in a different context). I enjoyed my time as a student  in Australia for so long that I'm still trying to re-establish myself even though I've been back here in Singapore for a while. What's more, I'm making that transition from being a student to being a working adult. It is a tad frightening to be honest and searching for a job that suits me isn't exactly a walk in the park. However, I'm going to face all this bravely. You told me once, quoting from our favourite Song of Ice and Fire book series, that "summer is ending and winter is coming" i.e. the comfort zone that we know of is receding and we need to prepare for the challenges that are coming our way. Well, I'm going to tell you that despite my uncertainties about what the future might bring, I'm going to be tough as nails and sure of myself. I still have dreams to chase and while the end goal may or may not be anywhere within reach right now, I'm going to work towards it slowly.

What's all this about me that has got to do with you? I guess essentially I want to say that I empathize with your uncertainties about what the future might bring and to tell you that I believe in you. You told me once that you didn't like yourself much right now because you are bogged down by personal problems and are all too aware of your unfulfilled potential. I know you have your reasons for your broodiness, and I don't understand the full complexity of the issues you face, but I really do believe in you. I have never met anyone else who is so committed to a quest of self-actualization, so determined to find a place for himself in this world, despite all the major challenges life threw your way. The others can say all they like but I just know that you'll make it. If I can survive this (and thrive too), then you surely can, so don't you worry. I'm not saying this because I'm being nice, I truly feel that way. Yes, summer is ending and winter is coming, but you've been though darker winters before, haven't you?  To borrow another Song of Ice and Fire quote, "what is dead may never die, but rises again harder and stronger".

I will miss you. Perhaps you just see me as a friend with whom you are comfortable talking about all kinds of things with. Well, okay, but don't you assume that I feel exactly the same. It's true that we've known each other many years and that we only became closer not too long ago, but for me, you're now one of my closest friends. The fact that we've stayed in touch for years and can still talk freely with each other despite long periods of absence shows that you're not just any friend. You are one of the few people I can be perfectly honest with and open up to. I wonder if you are aware that you have opened up to me too, quite a number of times, though there are some things that you keep to yourself.

"We cherished what we had together, though we never put into words how very precious it was."

Sometimes our feelings about something are so complex that they are so difficult to describe accurately. I have done my best to capture the essence of how I feel about you and the preciousness of our time together in words, words that I'm going to tell you before you leave. Thank you for agreeing to hear me out. I know we will meet again some day, but when exactly neither of us can say, as life is already pulling us in different directions. Perhaps I shouldn't worry so much about loosing you, for we've kept in touch so long despite us leading different lives and will continue doing so. I can take some comfort in that. Before you go, however, there are loose ends to tie up between you and I. I need to declare my belief in you, confess how much you mean to me and hug you one more time. It'll be a long goodbye.

The Fifth Trip to Japan: Some Tips for Traveling Free and Easy around the Land of the Rising Sun

Back in December 2012, I wrote a long and detailed post about my fourth holiday in Japan (see here), and ended the post with "Japan will always be one of my favourite countries to visit. Sayonara, for now, I will surely be back again to visit when I can!".

Well, to think that "when I can" turned out to be only about 5 months later! This time, it wasn't just for the purpose of holiday, but for participating in a conference on human development held a week ago in Hiroshima. I was one of the selected poster presenters and my father himself signed up to do a presentation. Much as I'd love to, we couldn't stay very long in Japan as Dad needed to return to work, so we were there for only about 4 days.

The conference turned out to be a memorable and fun experience for me. It was my very first time presenting my academic work (my Honours thesis, actually) to other academics. I was quite nervous initially about how others would receive my work but was pleasantly surprised by the larger-than-expected crowd that gathered at my poster. It was quite fun fielding questions and a few participants even told me that my topic was an interesting one! Not bad at all, for my very first presentation (and an overseas one at that)!

Anyway, having visited Japan five times already (and looking forward to any subsequent visits), I thought I'd share some tips about travelling around Japan. Here, my main focus will be on travelling around Hiroshima prefecture as I just returned from this region so everything is still pretty fresh in my head. Dad and I had 2 full days to unwind and explore Hiroshima prefecture after the conference. Having visited Hiroshima prefecture with Mum last year, I was already fairly familiar with this area so I was able to travel independently with Dad to places I visited before as well as some other new places I did not get to visit last year. One of the things I like about travelling in Japan is that it is not difficult. Also, there is so much to eat, see and explore along the way!

Use Public Transport

The Hiroden arriving at Hakushima station, which is the district our hotel was located in.

In Hiroshima city, a very popular mode of public transport is the Hiroden, the streetcar that has been in use for decades. I like the Hiroden as it is punctual, regular, takes me to many of the main places of interest and inexpensive. Using the Hiroden is also easy to figure out. The streetcar map provides a really good bilingual visual guide of where each place of interest and district is located, as well as which streetcar routes to take to get there. Boarding the streetcar is a simple matter of hopping on and then paying the fare to the driver when you get off (how much you pay is easily worked out by referring to the streetcar map, or you can look at the signboard above the driver's seat which tells you how much you need to pay when alighting at various destinations).

Outside of Hiroshima, I recall that getting around Kyoto was pretty easy too. In Kyoto, the public buses have announcements in English, Japanese, Mandarin and Korean to tell you the current stop and the next one, as well as the current location of the bus displayed on an electronic route map.

Take the Trains

A bento I had on the shinkansen ride to Narita airport. This bento is special because it features specialty food from various towns within Hiroshima prefecture.

The Shinkansen arriving at Hiroshima train station. Dad and I took the Shinkansen to Narita International Airport the day we left.

Japan has an excellent and reliable train network. The trains connect not just the major cities, but a great many smaller cities and towns in the rural areas as well.

For those travelling independently to many Japanese towns and cities, I strongly recommend buying a JR Pass. The JR Pass allows you to bulk buy 7 days or 14 days worth of travel within Japan and therefore saves you a great deal of money if you travel on your own a lot.

Dad and I did not get a JR Pass for this trip as it was only 4 days. Yet, I do feel a little that it would have been good to get one anyway because we travelled by train to several cities within Hiroshima prefecture and a JR Pass might have helped save a bit of travel expenses.

Language and Communication

In Miyajima, where the famous Itsukushima shrine is located, bilingual signs are common as many international visitors come to visit. This Kakigori (Japanese shaved ice dessert) shop offers about 30 different syrups to go with your cup of shaved ice and has bilingual signs to explain each flavour (Tomato, Sea Salt and Hibiscus flavours, anyone?).

Based on my familiarity with travelling around Japan, I do find that it helps to know some Japanese for interacting with the locals. Not speaking Japanese at all is much less of a problem in big cities like Tokyo or popular tourist spots where bilingual signs are more common and more residents can speak English. However, in the smaller towns and in the countryside, people tend to be able to speak only basic English or not at all. Hiroshima is the capital of Hiroshima prefecture and a fairly big city but in general the locals I've interacted with speak limited English.

My Japanese is basic, in that I am able to recognize and read hiragana, katakana and some kanji. I can also hold a simple conversation in Japanese. Limited though it may be, I found that knowing some Japanese helped a great deal. This is especially so when reading menus. Outside of Tokyo and other major cities, English menus are hard to come by. Being able to understand terms written in hiragana and katakana, coupled with my own ability to read Mandarin and therefore recognize many Kanji characters, was very useful in reading menus written entirely in Japanese and offering no pictures.

Having said that, don't be put off from communicating with the Japanese if you can't speak Japanese. Many Japanese are willing to help in spite of the language barriers. Japanese customer service is truly of a high standard as commonly perceived, so even when there are difficulties in communication, with patience and lots of hand gesturing, things often work out very nicely in the end.


Eat local food!

I've said this in my Japan 2012 post, and I'll say it again: the easiest and most fun way to immerse oneself in local culture is to eat local food. You're in a very enviable position if you find yourself in Japan because different towns and prefectures have their own local specialties, some of them unusual and very delicious! To know what to eat where, one should do some research before visiting. Many towns and prefectures take great pride in their local specialties and emphasize them in order to draw tourists. For example, Hiroshima is famous in Japan for it's Hiroshima-style Okonomiyaki, Oysters and its signature candy souvenir is Momiji Manju (a Maple leaf shaped cake that traditionally contains a red bean paste filling but nowadays has all sorts of fillings put into it). When I stayed in Hiroshima last week, I also found out that Hiroshima prefecture is also famous for its Lemons as well, so Dad and I bought some boxes of Lemon candy souvenirs in addition to the Momiji Manju packages.

If you travel by train a lot, then an easy and inexpensive way to sample some local specialties is to buy a bento box from the train station and eat it on the train. In the Hiroshima prefecture-themed bento box featured earlier, there was a good variety of little bites of foods special to the region: jelly made of local Lemons, deep-fried local Oyster, local Octopus cooked in rice, Sushi topped with local Sardines and my favourite Conger Eel Sushi. So. Good. I enjoyed my bento so much that I saved the pretty bento box cover that was still clean and it now hangs proudly in my bedroom.


Inside the gorgeous Hiroshima prefecture-themed bento. It's not just pretty to look at, more importantly, it is delicious too!

Eating Hiroshima Okonomiyaki at Rei-chan, a Hiroshima Okonomiyaki eatery located on the second floor of the ASSE department store near Hiroshima train station. Sorry to all my friends in the Kansai region, but I actually prefer the Hiroshima-style Okonomiyaki to the more well-known Osaka one.

Of all the local delicacies I've eaten during my travels to Japan, I think Anago Meshi (broiled Conger Eel on rice), a specialty of Miyajima, is my favourite. I enjoyed it so much while in Miyajima last year that I had to eat it again when I visited Miyajima this year. This bowl of Anago Meshi is from Ueno, a famous restaurant specializing in Conger Eel near Miyajima train station that has been around for decades. One word: heavenly. The perfect end to a visit to Miyajima.

The Most Important Travel Tip: Have an Open Mind!

I'll end this post with what I find is the most important travel tip based on my experiences travelling to many countries around the world: be open-minded and humble enough to learn.

Being open-minded means not having an ethnocentric attitude towards the new culture and society. You will just end up alienating yourself and not enjoy your trip. Instead, take the opportunity of being in a new environment to expand your horizons. It's also fun to do as the locals do! Japan was experiencing a heat wave when Dad and I visited last week but we made the best out of the situation by taking the opportunity to follow some of the popular local ways to beat the heat, such as ordering a cup of kakigori (Japanese shaved ice dessert) and eating it on the go.

Being open-minded also means having a willingness to go off the beaten track and explore by oneself. As I've described in this blog post, Japan is not difficult to explore free and easy, which is good news for someone like me who dislikes tours, as I find that tour guides tend to rush their groups from one destination to other or bring them to random places along the way so they can earn some extra commission. On our own, Dad and I could take our time exploring the places we visit and therefore appreciate them more, as well as discover some hidden gems along the way!

After exploring the beautiful seaside town of Onomichi on foot in the blazing summer heat, stumbling upon a café specializing in cold desserts like Sakura Tea House is like stumbling upon an oasis in a dessert! The desserts are excellent too!

Japan is a country that I've been to 5 times already and I'm keen to visit again and again. When you treat each new visit as an adventure and as a chance to learn (and relearn), then each visit will be memorable and enjoyable in its own unique way.

Beyond

I recently travelled all the way up North from Brisbane to a rural little town called Cooroy, located in the Sunshine Coast area, to visit a good friend of mine. He is my senior from my Honours class and we sometimes hang around to chat after lessons. While showing me around the Sunshine Coast area in his car, we talked a lot about our post-thesis futures. My friend is moving to Nagoya, Japan to teach English as a private tutor. I couldn't help but feel so envious. The dude, coming from a place so rural that the train only stops by twice a day and the nearest bus stop is a 1 hour walk away, is going so far beyond his little town to begin a new chapter in his life in a new environment. He admits to being nervous about the move but I know he is looking forward to working in Japan. I want to be like him, going places that are far beyond the familiar, to seek new challenges and adventures.

Many people I've been catching up with here in Brisbane have been asking me about my plans for the future now that I've finished my Honours programme. The main concern now would be getting a job, and this will most likely have to be in Singapore. I love Brisbane and would very much like to work here or somewhere else in Australia, but the reality is that in recent years it is much harder for foreigners to find a job in Australia now that the Australian government has tightened the working visa rules. Furthermore, a lot of the jobs I am interested in working in or are related to my field of study require at least Permanent Residency in order to apply. This leaves me little choice but to return to Singapore to work.

Honestly, I have mixed feelings about returning to Singapore. On the one hand, I look forward to seeing family and friends, as well as eating cheap and good local food. On the other hand, Singapore is small. I don't  just mean small in the geographical sense, but small in the sense that there are many cultural, social and political restrictions on the individual. Ultimately, I think I'm reluctant to leave my peaceful and enjoyable life here in Brisbane to return to the fast-paced Singapore life, having lived here in Australia for almost four years. Four years. Has it really been that long ago when I first came here? And now my time here is coming to an end so ... soon?

Perhaps I shouldn't be looking at things this way. Sure, unlike my good friend, I'm heading home rather than a new country to begin a new chapter in life. I may be returning to the familiar, but I'm going back as a new person. The me today is not the same as the me who first left Singapore for Brisbane four years ago. At the end of my overseas university experience, I find that I am less timid and so much more confident of myself and my abilities. I'm pro-active, and willing to speak up and work hard in order to get what I want.

What I want is a challenging yet fulfilling next chapter in life. After all the adventures I had studying abroad in Brisbane and Leeds, I will never do boring again. I aim to see more of the world, meet people from all over and learn from them, because there is just so much to know and discover. To all this I'm going to have to start somewhere first, and Singapore really isn't a bad place to begin. I'm going to return and begin to prove myself. I'd work for a few years in an industry of my interest, establishing my career, before moving on to the great beyond just like my good friend.

Tomorrow, I will be leaving Brisbane to return to Singapore. I will certainly miss Brisbane very much; it has been a home to me for the past four years. I am also going to miss greatly all the wonderful friends I have made during my four years here. Some of them I will never forget, and will treasure their friendship dearly. We shall keep in touch and someday we will meet again. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for the wonderful memories. I shall tuck them away in a special place in my heart, keeping them like a charm to remind myself of the joy, adventures and fulfilment that going beyond my comfort zone can bring.

I may be returning to Singapore, but I shall not be working there for the rest of my life. No, Singapore is just a springboard from which I'll leap towards greater things. I'm ready to come back and take advantage of whatever opportunities I can find back home. I know I can. Beyond beckons, and I'm raring to make my move.

Saying my goodbyes

The last few weeks of each university semester is always the most bittersweet because I always have to say goodbye to good friends who are moving on to new phases of their lives. This semester is especially bittersweet because I'm the one who has completed my Honours thesis and am moving out of Australia very soon.

So, over the past few weeks since I completed my thesis, I have been seeing various people here in Brisbane who are dear to me. We meet up, often for a meal/ tea, talk and reminisce, exchange gifts, and part ways with hugs, handshakes, well-wishes and promises to visit if we ever visit each others' neck of the woods. It's hard and quite sad, especially since some of them are so dear to me, but I'm thankful that we at least got a chance to say our goodbyes.

I am quite touched to find out that I will be dearly missed when I go, even by people who knew me only briefly. The other day, for instance, I visited my favourite candied nut seller at the Jan Powers' farmers' markets held at the Brisbane CBD every Wednesday. She knows me, because I am a (fairly) regular customer who is a fan of her large-sized, well-coated, good quality Macadamias and Almonds. I told her I was going to leave for Singapore very soon and she said she'd miss me dropping by. I ended up buying three big boxes of mixed candied nuts from her to take home and share, and she was so touched she gave me a discount and a complementary small packet of candied Macadamias. We hugged, and after I told her I'd drop by again the next time I visited Brisbane, we parted ways.

My favourite candied nuts seller at the CBD farmers' markets. Her stall name is called 'Aussie Gourmet Treats'.

My FAVOURITE donuts ever come from this company called 'Divine Donuts'. They set up a stall in the CBD on Fridays and another stall at the West End market on Saturdays. I always buy their original donut, a large ring of crisp-outside-and-soft-inside goodness coated in cinnamon sugar, which costs only AUS$4.50 

Aside from meeting up with people, I've also been re-visiting my favourite hangouts and eating my favourite foods. While I was still studying, I told myself that once I finished all my studies, I'd grab some friends and we'd do a graduation trip around Australia or maybe New Zealand as well. Now that I'm done and dusted with my studies and have loads of free time, I find myself reluctant to travel very much. The only travelling I've done so far is further up North to visit a good friend in the Sunshine Coast, and then taking a plane to cross the continent westwards to visit a dear friend in Perth. I don't mind being in Brisbane most of the time. I like it here, and I'm determined to revisit as many favourite places and see as many people here as I can before I go.

A beautiful spring day. This is the Forgan Smith building, probably the largest building in my university

I absolutely love farmers' markets, and one of my favourites here in Brisbane is the West End markets, held at Davies Park in West End suburb every Saturday. I love getting cheap and good fresh produce as well as the abundance of freshly cooked food from all over the world!

 

West End is my most favourite suburb! It's quirky, a vintage haven, offers a variety of international cuisine (particularly Greek and Vietnamese) and has a fabulous farmers' market every Saturday.
 

Glorious, gorgeous Noosa Rocky Road from the Noosa Chocolate Factory. The best Rocky Road ever, and one of my most favourite candies ever. I just bought a large pack to bring home and I strongly recommend this local Queensland Rocky Road as a souvenir.

I have always loved Brisbane, for its not-too-stressful pace of life, great hangouts and lovely people. Now that I'm about to leave, everything and everyone somehow seems more beautiful.