Wake Me Up When It's All Over

I wonder if Avicii had me in mind when they wrote their hit song Wake Me Up (see lyrics here). It's not often that a song strikes a chord in me because it accurately  and poignantly reflects my current state of mind. Wake Me Up is one of those rare songs that I find myself being able to relate to almost every line.

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start

When you've been job - hunting for a few months and haven't got an offer yet, you end up doing a lot of soul - searching. I discussed the cycle of ups and downs I underwent while job - hunting in my last post. Now I realize the reason why this job - hunt hasn't been easy for me is because I'm transitioning from the world of academia, which I've known most of my life as a student, to the 'real' working world. It's a big change, and I have to grow up and learn fast in order to get to where I want to be.

But where exactly do I want to be?

And, how do I get there?

 They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

I did have an idea what sort of jobs and what industries I'd like to work in before I graduated, and I did pick up skills and  work experiences that would be useful. Getting the jobs I'm interested in has not been easy though, mainly due to the competition from fellow job-seekers, my status as a fresh graduate and the fact that year - end period tends to be a lull on the recruitment front.

I have little choice but to re-evaluate my expectations and aspirations. This involves tackling fundamental questions like who I am and what do I want in life, and I'm still struggling to find concrete answers to these big questions.

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time I was finding myself, and I
Didn't know I was lost


It just struck me that perhaps the only way to find the answers to these questions is to not ponder about it too much now but keep moving forward in life and discover them slowly along the way. No one grows up in an instant after all; maturity and wisdom are works in progress.

And I, am a work in progress too, albeit at a somewhat confused stage at this moment.

I can only keep my head up and continue to have faith in myself. Search for possibilities and opportunities, pursue them and learn along the way. Not give up on my dreams so fast but continue to let them inspire me. I'd like to think that I'll get there someday, and the future me who made it will look back across those years of hard work at the present me, shake her head and say with a smile "Don't you worry so much, everything will be all right in the end."

Forward, that's the only way to go.

 

 

Some Nights, and Others

Well, some nights I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change.
And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights I always win, I always win...

 

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights I don't know...

 

(Some Nights, by Fun)

I've been quite introspective and broody of late, largely thanks to my job-hunting endeavour.

 

What I really want from a job is to be able to draw upon my strengths and passion for it so that I can make meaningful contributions. Ideally, it would be in International Relations as this is a field that I really enjoy studying, and would like some real working experience in. I realize of course that if I limited myself solely to just International Relations jobs, my choices would be pretty limited. Therefore, I'm keeping an open mind about other kinds of work that at least fulfil the above-mentioned three criteria, especially media communications, policy-making and research related work. So far so good, I can at least articulate what kind of job I'm looking for.

 

The hard part that I've yet to overcome is getting that kind of job I want. I've sent a number of applications so far: many have not succeeded, a number are still in process, and even fewer have resulted in interviews (which ended with me not making the cut). I know this is perfectly normal and that fresh graduates normally take several months to land their first jobs. I also know that I am a generally all-rounded individual with good academic qualifications from a good university plus some work experiences that has armed me with useful and transferable working skills. Furthermore, I know that I'm not currently in dire financial straights and need a job immediately, so I can afford to be patient with the job search.

 

Yet I can't shake off the feeling that this is taking a bit too long. What frustrates me in particular is that I haven't been called up to many interviews, which means that most of my applications reached a dead end at the resume submission stage. I had at least expected to be able to proceed to the interviews given that my CV highlights some pretty impressive achievements relevant to what I apply for and that I make good effort to write well-thought cover letters. So where are the interviews and job offers?!

 

Being in a situation like this is a big test of my faith in myself. Some nights, I feel absolutely pathetic and wonder if I am just not as good as other people after all. Other nights, I scold myself for having such a defeatist attitude, and focus instead on the aspects of the job search I have control over e.g. my strategies, expectations and the way I market myself. I swing between these two extremes quite a lot these days. If not for the support of my family and friends, as well as the fact that I am currently preoccupied with this short contract job that an organization I once did a stint with was kind enough to offer, I think I would've just snapped and lost my mind.

 

I go back to square one a lot. I ask myself again the question of what I want out of a job, this time by casting it in terms of long-term goals. What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Ultimately, I still seek beyond. I still can't quite articulate clearly what it means to go beyond so for now I'll just vaguely define it as a vision of going beyond my comfort zone and exploring the world around me. Despite this rough definition, it is still something I can work towards, even if it means taking a longer career path.

 

My career path towards that vision of beyond will have to start somewhere though. It helps to have some criteria that influence the jobs I seek: play to my strengths, have a passion for and make valuable contributions. I continue with the job search with these in mind, send my applications, wait for replies, agonize, do some soul-searching and pick myself up in order to move forward.

 

The cycle then starts all over again.

 

 

 

 

 

Beyond

I recently travelled all the way up North from Brisbane to a rural little town called Cooroy, located in the Sunshine Coast area, to visit a good friend of mine. He is my senior from my Honours class and we sometimes hang around to chat after lessons. While showing me around the Sunshine Coast area in his car, we talked a lot about our post-thesis futures. My friend is moving to Nagoya, Japan to teach English as a private tutor. I couldn't help but feel so envious. The dude, coming from a place so rural that the train only stops by twice a day and the nearest bus stop is a 1 hour walk away, is going so far beyond his little town to begin a new chapter in his life in a new environment. He admits to being nervous about the move but I know he is looking forward to working in Japan. I want to be like him, going places that are far beyond the familiar, to seek new challenges and adventures.

Many people I've been catching up with here in Brisbane have been asking me about my plans for the future now that I've finished my Honours programme. The main concern now would be getting a job, and this will most likely have to be in Singapore. I love Brisbane and would very much like to work here or somewhere else in Australia, but the reality is that in recent years it is much harder for foreigners to find a job in Australia now that the Australian government has tightened the working visa rules. Furthermore, a lot of the jobs I am interested in working in or are related to my field of study require at least Permanent Residency in order to apply. This leaves me little choice but to return to Singapore to work.

Honestly, I have mixed feelings about returning to Singapore. On the one hand, I look forward to seeing family and friends, as well as eating cheap and good local food. On the other hand, Singapore is small. I don't  just mean small in the geographical sense, but small in the sense that there are many cultural, social and political restrictions on the individual. Ultimately, I think I'm reluctant to leave my peaceful and enjoyable life here in Brisbane to return to the fast-paced Singapore life, having lived here in Australia for almost four years. Four years. Has it really been that long ago when I first came here? And now my time here is coming to an end so ... soon?

Perhaps I shouldn't be looking at things this way. Sure, unlike my good friend, I'm heading home rather than a new country to begin a new chapter in life. I may be returning to the familiar, but I'm going back as a new person. The me today is not the same as the me who first left Singapore for Brisbane four years ago. At the end of my overseas university experience, I find that I am less timid and so much more confident of myself and my abilities. I'm pro-active, and willing to speak up and work hard in order to get what I want.

What I want is a challenging yet fulfilling next chapter in life. After all the adventures I had studying abroad in Brisbane and Leeds, I will never do boring again. I aim to see more of the world, meet people from all over and learn from them, because there is just so much to know and discover. To all this I'm going to have to start somewhere first, and Singapore really isn't a bad place to begin. I'm going to return and begin to prove myself. I'd work for a few years in an industry of my interest, establishing my career, before moving on to the great beyond just like my good friend.

Tomorrow, I will be leaving Brisbane to return to Singapore. I will certainly miss Brisbane very much; it has been a home to me for the past four years. I am also going to miss greatly all the wonderful friends I have made during my four years here. Some of them I will never forget, and will treasure their friendship dearly. We shall keep in touch and someday we will meet again. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for the wonderful memories. I shall tuck them away in a special place in my heart, keeping them like a charm to remind myself of the joy, adventures and fulfilment that going beyond my comfort zone can bring.

I may be returning to Singapore, but I shall not be working there for the rest of my life. No, Singapore is just a springboard from which I'll leap towards greater things. I'm ready to come back and take advantage of whatever opportunities I can find back home. I know I can. Beyond beckons, and I'm raring to make my move.